one of my favourite moments is when i’m sitting on a toilet completely drunk and i just smile and nod at myself in silence
me as hell
do u ever accidentally slam the door on your parents after an argument and then have to sit there praying to god to help u through the ensuing shit storm that you know is about to go down
Okay seriously, my first thought was, if he could get a baby at Home Depot, he’d stock up for sure.
A baby’s reduced threat level only warrants one hand in pocket.
Sometimes i am Bob, sometimes i am Linda.
Me and a few buddies made the Stanley Cup out of beer cans
the only domestic instinct my parents have managed to pass on to me is the tendency to hoard multiple plastic bags in another plastic bags despite the fact that I will probably never need this many plastic bags in my adult life